..days has changed for the better..

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Wa..left school at 5pm..faints..
Went ntuc to buy vegetables.
Then after went to raffles marina..waaaa..first time been there..omg its a romantic place..awww..
Thanks for the dinner brother! =D

Really nice place for couples..can really sit down there and enjoy the sunset and also the breeze..omg..

Then reached home, went to settle my veg things..after showering, it was already 12am..so did the cutting for the small gift for 3G class..
but felt so tired i doze off think at 1.30am..By right wanted to wake up at 5am but couldnt wake up..so 530..woke up and continue with cutting and then ironed clothing and oso make my own breakfast.
Thanks mama for helping me iron one shirt..didnt have time to iron that if not i sure late..

After packing then went out of house late..reached school on the dot..
Hmm at 830am went to class and gave out the present =D
By right if i wanted to make it much nicer, i could but i didnt have the time to fold 86 hearts..faints..

Been thinking thru much yesterday..
And decided that i should concentrate on my work.
I dont mind if i miss my chance if i couldnt catch it on time..
But i couldnt miss my chance in my career cos if i fail in tis career den i wont have another path to choose from.
Depends on fate whether dear want to hold tightly onto me..
If choose to let go then just say its too bad that fate doesnt bring us tgt ba..
But anyway..wads the outcome.. i have to face it..

Oh my..my shoulder is killing me..
hope my pay faster come..
biang have alot of things to buy and oso owe ppl alot of treat..faints..
got to plan carefully.
Sigh today bet i am very tired..later still got performance..haha..
Well going to video..hee see if i could upload then show you guys ba..haha..
Hee today wore my doreamon tshirt to school..cos its cartoon and super heros day..haha..cool yea?

Presents for kids

Dont knw whats wrong with me..have to eat afew hours if not i sure will have headaches and shoulder cramps..sobs..

______________________________________________________________________________

Time: 3:12pm

Hmm nothing to do so started blogginh again. went to perform just now..
Wa..when zhang yao help me tie my hair.. i was like omg..0.o
Everyone say cute..faints..ugly lor..
Then went back stage and wore the uniform..
haha 5 of us (3 girls and 2 boys)..really looked like students..
And everyone said i look alike the most. Cos i was the guai (good-girl) type..
Lol..well i dont know..lets look at photos taken.

Hmm performance went well..haha i didnt forget my role..
Only part i was shy when we had to walk around the kids.
Haha hope the kids cant regconise me ba..hee..
Cos i changed my hairstyle. =x

Tired..now blogging in taka..lol..
awww saw ppl eating ice-cream! Faints..i am so going to eat one this sat.
Hmm how i wish i could teach one whole class..
And also handle one class without any help.
Not forgetting to let the children love me and enjoy attending my lessons..
I believe that it'll be the greatest gift being a teacher.

Okay shall end here..yawn..might sleep early tonight ba.
Dig out my brain and muscles..its killing me softly.
Will i have a happy ending?

A friend once told me..
"Relationship can boost a career like a pillar to a building, while it can also be a virus if things dont go well"

[Things i want to do / get]
- Presents for HH,Zhang yao, papa (oct and nov baby)
- More tops for work
- Sports gear
- Heels (similar to the one i have)
- p1 to p6 revision books (Maths and Science)
- Create a set of alphabets (a game used during relief)
- Sets of ppt slides + teaching materials by end 2009 (preparation for 2010)
- Go for massage (once in two weeks if i have the money)
- Check out for SIM courses
- Pay HX and Su money (hmm cant rmb total how much but tink hx side is abt $35..and su's side is oso $35)
- Set aside money for transport, phone bill, meal allowance
- Get a LCD screen
- Colour printer
- New bras

Guess so far for now ba..1st pay cannot anyhow spend..i do feel the pinch of spending money.
Hmm Mdm Teo did told me that i might be co-teaching lower primary nxt year..well i hope i will be able to teach P3 and P4..haha..
Be the one to MAKE IT HAPPEN! Jia you!!!

She left a PRINT @ Wednesday, September 30, 2009;

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Hmm went out at 3pm yesterday..
Was mentally tired..
Feeling not in right mind..didnt dare disturb dear at work oso..
So went to check out the timing for movies..
And i have a movie in mind alrdy..
Since no one to watch with me..i might as well go watch myself.
Cos most of the time say want to watch with friends, end up i either watch it alone or i miss out that movie. Already missed out hangover, g.i joe. the proposal..

Had one hour to walk in ntuc to check out the price of the things i plan to buy..
Then after went to buy some cookie to eat cos was hungry yet didnt want to sit alone in foodcourt to eat..i still hate that feeling of being watched like an alien eating alone in foodcourt. sigh..
Then went up for movie..saw far corner..so that no one disturb and i wont get freaked out in the middle of movie when ppl walk pass me..haha i'll jump.
Its my very 1st time watching horror movie alone in a cinema..
Watched "Phobia 2"..well i observed that this movie..it shows 5 story or events..
One was something like karma thingi, followed by ward, then tourist, after that was salvage and lastly was in the end (actress shooting horror scence)..
All five storied have something to do with driving..sigh..the two stories which i find it very pityful which has sadness was both has to do with karma..(1st and 4th story)..what goes around, comes around..sigh..

Hmm after movie went back to print children's day things..hee..hope the kid will like it..
Then went to popular to buy the things i will need for school..ya lanyard..but of cos have to choose nice and user friendly de..where i can pull my tap card and oso hang my key..
Then met up with daniel awhile and went ntuc to shop..wa..thanks daniel..for helping me with the shopping..
felt touched that a friend will come accompany me awhile..then after he went off to find his friends in lavender..where i went to ta bao mama's food..den took train to chinese garden and walked home..

Think i am super weak this year..dont know why.
In the past i can carry abt 20kg plus and walk home without stopping. But today i stopped 3 times..omg..3 times!! I cannot imagine..and carry i was panting..omg..dont know whats wrong with my body.. guess my heartbeat is getting weaker..
Now thinking back on the day when i went check up for air force, the nurse look at me with that worried look and asking me whether did i do any rigrious exercise when she checked my heart beat..is it a worrying sign? I dont know..aiya nvm la..everyone has to die one day oso.

Reached home, pass mama her dinner den i went to tabao mine..she asked why i nvr buy..told her that i couldnt carry le..i no more strength..
Daniel said wanted to fetch me home but i reject the offer..cos i didnt want him to spend money on cab for me..anyway i appreciate his thoughtfullness.

Hmm bought...1 tin of Oats, 2 boxes of Cereals (cos left 2), wholemeal Bread, 1 bottle of balsamic vinegar, 1 bottle of parsley, lettuce, 10 tomatos, baby carrots, celery, 3 cans of tuna light, 10 green apples, 5 oranges, 2 whole pineapples, 2 1.5L of HL low lactose milk..but i forgot to buy more pads..omg..faints tmr have to go ntuc again..aiyo..i m very very forgetful tis year! Hump..angry with myself..

Hmm Hweehwee booked me every friday evening for swimming..Haha.. =D
Well been thinking of having badminton or tennis sessions..but duno who willing to play with me??
If not then i will have to stick to my jogging..but i having phobia in jogging.. =/

well appreciate that dear every morning gives me morning call..but i also worry that he doesnt have enough sleep..
Although i felt the sourness when i told him that no need to wake me up..actually i still wanted..but i know i cannot be so selfish..
Same goes with one of my friend..say want to come fetch me to school before going to work. wa faints..yes i do admit that i really wish that i can have a bf who can really do that for me..(reminds me of cynthia and her bf)..aww but then i am not so demanding or dont wish to b over demanding..unless its my husband then he sends me to school, i dont mind..but not bf..

Mum tot i went movies with someone..then got ppl fetch me home..dots..she thinks i'm queen meh..go ppl accompany and fetch..faints..
Sigh..keep on asking me abt ricky..faints..dat time want to bring home is she say dont want de.. now so eager to meet him..
I dont know what she wants too.
Told me off that i shouldnt eat cold food, sour food..orh...listen can le..sigh..

Was kind of scary when i got up from my seat..felt the whole cinema spinning..but soon after afew mins i was okay alrdy..
Heng nvr faint..hmm nvr faint in my life before oso..dont knw later got earth quake ma..haha..=p

Okay think i got to sleep..yawn..12 day to go..
Its not even a month yet am i feeling that the honeymoon period is fading?
By right i dont tink that there'll be any ending of honeymoon period but.....
Aiya stop thinking.. think how am i going to divide my 1st pay..sigh..felt the pinch in spending hard earned money..see la mother said dont anyhow spend when i was young, yet i dont listen..haha now regret le rite?? Hee =p

Mayb i should source for place to go tour alone..mayb cruise to nowhere or cruise for afew days. =D
Still got wad havnt i tried doing alone?

- Sentosa
- Overseas
- Staying outdoors
- Travelling back kulim
- Teaching a whole class
- Clubbing
- Hiking
- Photography around singapore

Oh ya..think i will want to go night safari oso now got halloween party..hee..
Mayb when i get my 1st pay..haha..
Hmm chinese garden seems to have mid autumn festival too..should go there walk walk ba..
Mayb tis weekend.. =D
shld love spending time alone more..then i wont have to depend on others..
Haha oh..photography around singapore..

Ok nite nite..yawn..

She left a PRINT @ Tuesday, September 29, 2009;

Monday, September 28, 2009

being upset gives me gastric..sigh..
Lots of thought in me right now..
Relationship, friendship and work..sigh..

I should think through what have i dont this year..why am i like this?
How did i change to this state?
Is it like what the financial boss told me after seeing my personal profile? If i continue like this i will get depression at a very young age?
And like what dear asked me..do i have depression?
I tink i dont have and hope i dont have ba..
But which ppl have depression will admit they have?
For me i think i really dont have ba..i am not sick..

Wonder when then considered my relationship will be stable?
Is it like what ppl told me? Once the parents met up with me?
Sigh i dont want to think about it..

Lost a friendship cos of my character..
What a failure am i?

What more can i do?
I can give ppl the best advice they need..but i cant help myself.
Why is that so?
Dont know who to turn to when i am in emotional state..
Dont wish to give dear more pressure..

Dont know why i've been so emotional ever since i started school..
Now the only motivation for me to wake up early is every morning dear take the effort to wake me up at 5.30am..thanks dear..
But am i running away from somethings? I know i am being soft..but i dont know how to really be firm..
Dont know whether am i able to last long in this field?
If i cant..then i am really really a failure..

Been tearing so much these days..
All the past memories flashed back to me..poly days with karen, jilong and buddies, girl's outings, chalets, know more friends from work..getting in love with the wrong person.. and now the unmotivated me..and yet lost a friendship..
Why am i like tis???
Sigh..headache..

I dont know what to do..who to tell..where to hide..
everytime when i am alone..i...sigh
I may look happn on the outside but deep in me..i am not..
How i wish i just dont exist..then i wont be so upset with myself..
Dad and mum din know that what i am going thru myself..they always think i have lots of friends to go out with where either i go out with one or two friends or even alone..

Used to have lots of friends but now i dont know who to find..
Text some of my friends whether they free to go out with me awhile to buy things but all free only lazy to go out..
Guess i will have to do everything myself..sigh..
Movies alone..window shopping alone..everything alone is best la..sigh..
mayb ya i am not homely..
Mayb i am bad..be it wadever ppl think..
i'm sick and tired of my thinking, my goals, my life.. feel like crying all out..but i cant..think this weekend i want to go pray pray..sigh..

She left a PRINT @ Monday, September 28, 2009;

Sunday, September 27, 2009

kind of disappointed last nite.. well blame it on myself ba..my thinking and feelings.
mayb i am just over selfish when it comes to rs.
I really wish that men will mean what they really say..but usually most men dont..
Hmm just take note my friends..
"Don't say things or make appointment casually if really dont feel like or cant make it..to me..cos i dont wish to have those disppointment feeling. Thanks"

i am selfish when it comes to rs... yes i admit..and sorry to say so..
I can be giving in everythings like i said before..money (if i have), time, care, love etc..but 2 things i cannot share..is family love and also my bf/ husband..
i still prefer men taking initiative ba..
Guess different age group of men have different thinking.
Younger men might b very very xi xin..whereas older men might have a different way of expressing their love ba. So i cannot comment much.

Hmm ystday is my school's ISH opening and oso Mid autumn festival.
Haha seeing the kids is fun but having to face colleagues is not easy.
Politics i alrdy seen and heard..but nothing to do with me i just shut my mind..
As for me abt how i feel towards their character after deducing their actions..
All i can say is..i'm being too soft..yes very soft..
Hmm only thing is i have to learn to b firm like how other teachers are..if not i wil be told of as a kid infront of a teacher..sigh..and i dont like that feeling.

Ouch just bang my knee..sigh throw alot of junks out of my room le..stil have alot..dots..wish i could clear my room empty.
Hmm another thing was i dun like where things are not really properly planned.
Last min ask me go peel pomelo..i am okay la..but peel 1st time till my finger pain.
Lol good experience la..new year can do oso le.. Den after by rite vip got go tea session de but then end up dun hav. Okay ba..so i went to and fro helping tea pouring stall..mooncake making stall den walking around school.
But mostly time spend at tea pouring stall..i sweat alot..haha cos have to handle hot tea..phew..

About 9.15pm i went up office..den cool down till 930 and left.
Hmm then after dont wish to say wad happen..but home den slp..

Enjoy some photos.. =D
Photos of colleagues, ppl and others..enjoy..

today..
Liked these photos most as compared to others..

Me in school..

Hmm mayb i am not homely type of girl..
And also my emotions..terrible..sorry it cant be helped..sigh..
but i get bored when i have nothing to do..
Just want to spice up my life..any suggestions??

She left a PRINT @ Sunday, September 27, 2009;

Friday, September 25, 2009

Last nite dear told me he had to work on fri and sat..hmm orh..but he get off on sunday! Yahoo! Thanks dear.. =D
I'm so happy.. XD

Dear told me about his plans..i'm happy for him..
Jia you wor! Need help let me know! Will be there for you..=D

Today went to school as usual.
But no lessons today. So basically after assembly,
Went to have breakfast with zhang yao, elaine and chui ping..
Then after we all did our own things..
Went up and down to office to get things settle for the performance nxt week.

Sigh can say today not my day ba..
I've been taking initiative to ask what's my duty and what time to report tomorrow.
Find the teacher 4 to 5 times today.. and not only today but previous few days after since the contact time on wednesday..all she said was give me your name then i will tell you.

Then suddenly today saw her..she didnt even asked whether do i have things to do even when she saw me carrying things in my hand..she just told me go to science lab to help and just walk away so fast i couldnt say a thing. Obviously i have things to settle 1st..one is the performance which i can on hold..but another is for tmr..fern garden de..have to cut the photos..cos the office staff oso busy so she asked me to help..

So went to complete it within 30 mins or less den i went down to science lab..but no one was there.
Then saw the teacher again..den i asked her..she say oh they finish le..
Well obviously i was asking abt tmr's duty..not today ask min got things do den throw to me..i can help if u asked and not show me that face..well mayb i tink too much but it cant be so qiao ba..heard her saying so loudly..only can ask chinese language teachers to do things..other teachers cannot do anything one..

Walau..i hear le i was like..wth..just kept quiet..yet still i didnt give up on asking her cos i have my responsibility to my job..since i've chosen this path.
So i continued with the cutting of photos den after nothing else..i went back to office to do my things..the big lollipop and oso the A3 copies..
Think so far everything is almost done for my side.

Went down ate some light finger food with zhang yao..cos we both hungry.
Then 130pm office announced that there's buffet at the library..wow so much food..so we took abit of each up.
Look at the photo..its alot for 2 ladies..omg..faints..in the end we ta bao some of the food..
There's sushi, curry mutton, mushroom soup, garlic bread, potato salad, fish, you tiao, fried crab meat, mussels, brownies, dessert, fruits (dragon fruit, papaya, honey dew, watermelon)...omg alot alot..haha..
And 1st time i ate 3 mussels!!! Of cos not raw de..hee..its nice!!! yummy..

After 2pm..went to look for another teacher to get my tshirt for tmr..
Find him many times too..in the end at 3pm den got it..if not i can go home abt 2pm..
but nvm la..think in future school will be my second home liao..imagine 6.50 earliest reach school..or if hav duty i tink 630 reach school..den stay in school till 630pm..wow..12 hours..faints...

Well dont know why these days i have so tired..keep on sleeping in the evening esp after i eat something..i've gained weight..sigh..sobs..
Father back early today..he laughed when he saw me slping..diao..
Pulled me down to eat but i couldnt eat le cos at 4 plus 5 i ate the remaining food i brought home.

Miss dear..sigh..
Hmm heng dear couldnt come tmr..cos i wil be handling the pomelo..peeling them..den 6pm the teacher assign me to bcome bouncer..well obviously is to carry things around. =.='' think wil be heavy stuff ba cos have to report to male teacher..ok lor..
What to do.
Was wondering should i meet dear at nite tmr ma..but thinking again..maybe shld give dear some space too..i dont want to be too sticky..later dear find me fan den die lo..

Okay..enjoy some photos taken few days back..

Dear has lots of thoughts..i felt heart pain..

Anyone has good recommendation for massage? I just want shoulder massage..
(and kenny...i dont want you to massage for me ah..thanks..)
Neck and shoulder getting stiffer..dont know why oso..aiyo..my life alot of why why why. Sigh.

Mum oso not feeling well..keep saying her hip pain.
Then stil dont rest..sigh..
I assume its cos of the plastic chair she always sit on while using comp.
But she just wouldnt listen to me for once.
Still remember last year abt the incident where she fell into the big drain near msia house.
Told her to wait and follow where i walk..she dont listen chose her own way..den fell in it. Its very heart breaking when parents dont listen to wad their child say even if they meant good for them.
Told mum not to put so many files on desktop..if not later crash like last time..and its showing the same sign like her old laptop..den she just say aiya go away go away.
Does she know how i feel am?
Sigh..i nothing to say le lor..well cant blame me for staying inside my room everytime i am home.
Now its like dad always infront of tv..mum mostly in her room except when she wants to watch her tv programme...and me always in my room..
That's not the family life i want leh..

Sometimes i envy those teachers talking abt their family..them with their kids and husband..
and they are young..some 28 alrdy married for a year or two..wow..
And some i tink abt 30 or 34 ba.. alrdy have 2 kids studying in the same school. Gosh..means they get married around the age of 23 to 25..wow isnt that when they are in NIE? o.0 wonder whether is their husband oso teachers. Haha..

Oh..got to know that one of the teacher's mum is a teacher in school oso..lol!
Hmm okay next step is to go look for my vp to have a chat with her ba..find out more about the school..

Yawn..shall end here..sigh

She left a PRINT @ Friday, September 25, 2009;

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Busy this week.
Wed and thurs busy day for me..
Schedule almost fully pack.
Ystday met dear awhile den go meet shu for dinner den accompany parents..
Then at nite..sigh my fault..sorry.. i started it..

Well my eyes today kind of puffy and red this morning.
Colleague look at me abit weird tis morning..but then soon after everything was
okay..only pack with things to do..
Morning in class observe the kids getting excited abt childrean's day..
Then i was wondering what to give them for children's day? Hmmm..there are 43 of them..faints..haha if make i have to make 43 gifts..omg..
Will think aboout it..cos i like this class.. XD

Then back to office..ate my bee hoon..by rite bought 2 packs..one is breakfast..one is for lunch..but the pregnant teacher saw..then i sense that she wants it..so in the end i say i have one more pack..i just gave it to her..didnt even charge her since its not ex at all..but tis is the 2nd time i give her things..lol..first was a magnetic pen she saw on my desk..den today is food..but she's a friendly teacher..tink she from china? Nvm but she is friendly..

Went to check out wad tshirt i could get ...woohoo got new balance free polo t..school provide de..but havnt get yet..
Hmm then gotten another last min task..to cut photos but heng can ask office ppl help..but did halfway when i was observing lesson..
Then rush down to pass the things to office and oso blow up the props i wanted..
Hmm went to print more things and oso photocopy..

Then went for learning journey with the p5 kids..
Went changi world war II..
Wa..never been there b4..think one day i am going back there again..cos i didnt get to understand everything yet..

Went changi village for meal then to the beach..then after back to nan hua..
Omg..just 8 days in my work and i went home at 6.15pm..lol..
guess in future i will be the one going home late late oso..
today reached school at 6.50am..den end at 6.15pm..lol..almost 12 hours..hee..faints..

Some photos..enjoy. =)

Today i carried 800kg bullet! Lol..strong ma???
Hee see dear..i m stronger =p

Sigh..i was actually upset that couldnt have chance to go out with dear..
Not saying go shopping malls or places where money is required other den transport and food..i can go lib, hiking, or even just staying at his home to chill out tgt will do..to be frank, all i ask for is time spent tgt..sigh..but things gone bad ystday where the culprit was smses..and also my stupid thoughts.

Sorry that i've hurt you again dear..sorry. =(
Sigh..how i wish we're staying next door..

She left a PRINT @ Thursday, September 24, 2009;

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

yawn..took the attitute test in facebook..and results showed..
-calm and quiet-
you are the sort of person who likes to take life slowly... just one day at a time.. you usually know the differnce between right and wrong. you believe in yourself. you put yourself in other peoples shoes and see howit feels to be them and then handle a situation accordingly.your attitude towards life is very positive.... you are liked by all and are a great friend.the flip side is that sometimes you care too much about other people and dont do what you really wanna do..

erm last sentence is really true..haha

Been listening to chinese songs..i love slow and peaceful songs where the lyrics are meaningful..
Miss lots of the things in sec sch..but wad to do.
Haha..life has to go on..Life is a path that we must advance on..

what's my future perspective?
my mind is simple..
Work, happiness, Get married, have kids, nurture them, grow old and rip. =p Thats me..faints..haha..obviously i have dreams but then..not big ones ba..

Okay continue tmr..

She left a PRINT @ Tuesday, September 22, 2009;

"What's on my mind?"..thats all i can ask myself.

Today woke up at 3am..cant sleep..so lied in bed till 5.30am..
Hee bet dear couldnt wake up..well my fault oso..made him have late nite sleeps..sorry dar..

Went to school as per normal..and guess wad?
Today's pledge taking was in english..oh..yuan lai ru chi..odd weeks is in chinese..even weeks is in english.
Haha..but still have difficulty in the san zhi jin.. =x

Morning did archiving of documents..then went to observed lessons..
Wow today bought fried bee hoon..its really yummy! and cost 1.40 nia..big packet..bcome my two meals le..haha ate half..den another half brought home to eat..
Hmm guess i have to learn how to speak cantonese..=(
The auntie..erm or can say elderly woman..she only knows cantonese..and mine was like not to basic standard..so paiseh..tried my best to communicate with her..sigh but..tried my best. Its damn funny of me while speaking..faints..

After lesson..did some printing of props..
Den received my schedule for nxt two days..sigh..can say abit packed only..ya..
Then tmr stil got contact time..and rehearsal..sigh..
Eee..borrowed the uniform..the biggest size..and i tried..ya i can fit in..faints..
Look so big lor..as in if i were a primary student..but then some students are alrdy taller than me..=x oops..

Woohoo..my invention..oats plus chocolate! Its yummy..drools..

I look so tired..

Next week got two days holiday! Hee..28th sept (monday) and 1st oct (thurs).. =p

She left a PRINT @ Tuesday, September 22, 2009;